Capture Your Grief, Day 2



You are the reason. You are the reason I write. You are the reason your little brother is here. You are the reason I am a mother of six.


What is the purpose of this pain?  This loss?  This life without you?  Your death?  This valley?   


Your existence...so short, now eternal. Impacting every fiber of my being. Changing our family. Changing my life. Changing me. I’m trying to discover this purpose, but I don’t think I will ever fully discover it this side of heaven. And that’s something I have to accept.


My purpose was to carry you. To be your mother. To participate in God’s plan for your life and salvation.

The purpose of that day?  To experience the grace. To witness the veil being lifted. To be united momentarily to the other side.  

The purpose of the past 16 months?  To survive. To let love in.

And your purpose?  Was it to bring love?  And simplicity? And a life back to the basics?  To love big in small ways?  To get me to heaven?  

Let this pain have a purpose. Let this suffering not be in vain. Let this longing not go without reward. Show me my purpose now. Show me how to move forward in this life, where you and I do not reside together.