“Come with me where dreams are born and time is never planned.” (Peter Pan)
Sometimes I like to sit and dream. I like to dream that I’m living in an alternate reality. I allow my imagination to run wild and replay events of everyday life, which have you in them.
I see myself holding you, nursing you, chasing after you. I see myself scooping you from mid crawl off of the floor, keeping you safe and out of danger. I see myself resting you on my hip, rubbing my nose against your cheeks, and smothering you with kisses. I tickle you, and you laugh. I gaze at you, and you gaze back. I run the palm of my hand over your curls, and you tilt your head back onto my breast and smile. I imagine you exhausting me, spending me of my energy, not allowing me time to rest, to sit, or to eat. I see life with you in it. And I wish and long it were true. I dream.
But right now, I sit with empty arms. I sip a cup of decaffinated green tea from a rocking chair, overlooking a lake, while your little brother moves around me and kicks my ribs.
And I watch the sun set.
And I dream.
And I have no sense of urgency...no need to rise quickly. No place to really go. And as the sun descends, it reflects upon the water and fades behind the trees. Cascading shades of gold and orange beauty glimmer across the water, drawing another day without you to a close. And I think of you. And I miss you so deeply, that I ache.
But as I walk away from the rocking chair, I feel you so near to my heart and am comforted through my dreaming. Because in my dreaming, I find you, and you find me.
Until next time, my love.