A Year in Words
“It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone.” (Rose Kennedy)
anticipation
waiting
hopeful
ready
joy
exhaustion
slowed down
worry
dismissed
concerned
brushed off
active
content
night time
bed
reading
prayer
increased movement
intense
strange
divine mercy chaplet
paused
embraced
asleep
arose
rolling
no movement
bothered
waking up
stillness
quiet
dark
morning
scared
pleading
begging
bargaining
driving
nothing
fog
denying
numb
calling
going
walking
voicing
expressing
intuition
moving blindly
triage
fetal heart monitor
silence
anxiety rising
eyes panning
sick to my stomach
discovering
fear confirmed
searching
doppler
no sound
reality blurred
ultrasound
stillness
no heartbeat
sobbing
vomiting
screaming
denying
expecting a miracle
heart broken
dying inside
moved
admitted
nurses
doctor
questions
confusion
gown
siblings
tears
anger
disbelief
annointing
induction
contractions
epidural
visitors
flowers
Eucharist
prayers
friends
counting the hours
pain
water breaking
crucifixion
eleven hours
fully dilated
breach
terrified
unsure
pushing
it’s a girl
it ended
an hour before midnight
umbilical cord
knot
death
grace outpouring
heaven touching earth
the veil lifted
blessing
beauty
brokenness
holding
marveling
seeing
crying
attached
six pounds
nine ounces
nineteen inches
dark wavy hair
ruby red lips
fragile skin
tiny
perfection
endless pain
endless tears
pictures without smiles
cuddle cot
footprints
handprints
sleepless night
holding on tightly
alone
despair
empty
shocked
forced to accept
twenty hours together
left behind
pushed out with empty arms
returning home
no longer pregnant
no baby
no cries
no diapers
no feeding sessions
sleep
depression
empty arms
aching
bleeding
engorged
planning a funeral
planning a mass
choosing a crucifix
buying a medal
choosing flowers
choosing readings
choosing songs
choosing outfits
waiting
hurting
unbelieving
being brave
choosing to move forward
seeing your baby
walking away from your baby
following a hearse
music
love
so much love
prayers
songs
wind
staring
aching deeply
longing
burying your baby
endless sorrow
endless pain
endless grief
hugs
fellowship
going back home
so much pain
so much hurt
so much longing
so much confusion
postpartum
PTSD
due date
memory box
jealousy
envy
trauma
tragedy
triggers
depression
counseling
anger
rage
agony
numb
impatient
tears
sorrow
shame
insecure
hiding
lonely
different
misunderstood
changed forever
friends walking away
new friends entering
people moving on
people moving inward
life continues
back to work
back to school
unable to focus
unable to multitask
graveside visits
journaling
writing
singing
searching for answers
anxiety
panic attacks
progress
steps back
conception
fearful
grieving
holidays
spiraling
hospital visits
reliving
revisiting
conflicted
hopeful
anxious
early delivery
unexpected
peace
joy
smiling
little boy
NICU
time alone
time to process
exhausted
sad
hormonal
remembering
May arriving
one year
celebrating
hurting
missing
loved
forever
gone